spillthebeans

I never wanted to be the weak one. And yet here I am. Everything has come to a head today. I am fatigued. So, so tired. I'm barely sleeping because I'm itching and anxious. The itching and anxiety are directly connected it seems; when I have anxiety, my skin feels like it's burning from the inside out. And unfortunately, that's pretty much been all the time. People say all the time, "you're so brave. you're so strong. you're so positive." Honestly, I don't feel that way. I have yelled at my mom this week more times than I'd care to count. I've cried and cried and cried and cried. I've yelled at God, I've been so angry. I've punched my mattress a few times because I literally do not know how to handle this. I'm not as positive and great at this as everyone thinks I am. I'm really not. I'm kind of having a breakdown today. It's been two months of a living hell and I want it to stop. But it won't stop. I fe...

I’m spending the week with one of my closest friends, so I’ll have to ask you to forgive my absence. It’s been a whirlwind already but one of the best times I’ve had in a long while. It’s been amazing and I’m loving it so much. In the meantime, my fibromyalgia does not let up when I have company—if anything, the symptoms are even more unfortunate when I do have friends over. I’ve already had a splitting headache once, last night, and today I’m feeling very fatigued. I’m on a new medication that has a side effect of sleepiness and dizziness, and those side effects hit especially hard today. Despite this fact, I just got done having immense fun outside with my friend and siblings—doing a photo shoot and making amateur videos. It was great fun, but now I’m beat. One of the things I’ve been working on is being more open and honest with my friends when I do feel awful, and so far it’s paid off well. It means the world to me to have my friend understand and know that I’m not feeling well. Ev...

I don’t talk about it much online, and I really don’t have a true reason, other than, I honestly don’t think about it much anymore. But, a dear friend (Oh how much more she has gone through) sparked the inspiration to talk about my thorn. I have Knee Bursitis. Bursitis is a condition where the padding in your joints (called Bursea) becomes inflamed. It’s pretty painful at times. Thankfully, it isn’t an all the time ache (Thank the Lord) but when it does, it can get pretty crippling.   I’m not going to go into much detail over it, except, that when you can’t run, or be terribly active because otherwise, your knees feel like they are about to crumble, and make you fall, you feel....awkward.  It’s no fun having to sit out at your brother’s 5K races, and tell everyone “I don’t like running” when, there is nothing you;d like more then being able to try at least once.  When all your friends try goading you into running on Thursday nights with them, and you can’t, because you k...

Welcome to Spill the Beans! It isn’t much yet, but I’m working on it. The purpose of this site is simple: to serve as encouragement and community for teens with chronic pain or other chronic illnesses. I personally have fibromyalgia, so this blog will tend to focus on that more than anything else. However, I don’t want to limit this blog to just fibromyalgia or even just chronic pain. This blog’s focus is that, yes, but let’s face it: having ANY chronic illness when you’re a teenager can be an absolute pain in the butt. I’m here to tell you that you’re not alone, and hopefully you can remind me of that from time to time, too. And remember… normal is just a setting on your washing machine. Love, Sky